The One-Three Point of View Punch

A couple of years ago, I submitted an excerpt of a work-in-progress to an online class. The instructor liked it but also mentioned I “head hopped.” This is when point of view (POV) switches from character to character without the benefit of chapter breaks or scene changes.

Since head hopping is probably one of the seven deadly writing sins, I vowed to cure myself of that affliction.

I usually write 3^rd person deep POV. Perhaps it was my time in collegiate theatre but I liken this POV to becoming the character.

You have to be aware of what your character knows. For example, consider this sentence: “Francine walked up and down the sidewalk, her high heels of her worn black patent leather pumps clacking on the concrete. She tossed back her auburn hair over one shoulder and sighed. Her green eyes narrowed...”

Yeah, I know. Bad prose. (We won’t get into the overuse of “her.”) But that’s not the point. Notice the description of hair, eyes, and shoes? A character in 3^rd person deep POV wouldn’t likely notice these things. Now if the shoes were new, maybe. (I have to thank Toni Andrews of Deadline Dames for first pointing this out about characters and their POVs.)

So how do we know what a character looks like? From another person’s POV. This is why some authors use multiple POVs. Again, this can be tricky. First, not every character needs a POV. Try to keep it restricted to the main characters. Second, which POV is important to that particular scene? Who is going to be affected by what happens?

What I like about 3^rd person POV is you can layer your story, explore it from different characters’ perceptions. It also allows your reader to know what’s going on before your hero does and this can make for a suspenseful scene. In Alfred Hitchcock’s Sabotage the audience knows the bomb is going to explode but the victims are unaware. Such an incident keeps us on the proverbial edge of our seats.

Knowing what might happen to the hero or heroine puts us in a unique and advantageous position. Will he or she survive? Will they learn of the treachery?

And this is the problem with 1^st person POV. We’re restricted to knowing everything our narrator knows when s/he finds out. Sure there’s suspense but it’s minimal because we don’t have that extra benefit of knowing beforehand.

Is this to say 1^st person POV is wrong? Not at all. Mystery writers use it. We follow along with the private detective as he unravels the clues. How do we learn about him? From his interactions with other people.

Keep in mind, however, it’s harder to layer a story with 1^st person POV because you can’t rely on other POVs. Also, your hero or heroine is onstage most if not all of the time. He or she needs to be interesting and keep the reader engaged.

So what are the benefits of 1^st person POV? It can be a great way to write a first draft. Death Sword was originally in 1^st person POV before I switched to 3^rd. Writing 1^st person POV can also ensure your readers will connect with your hero or heroine, see the world through their perspective. Many urban fantasies used 1^st person POV.  

Will I write 1^st person POV again? Sure. Do I recommend one over the other? No. I write mostly 3^rd person deep POV because I’m used to it. But if that’s not your thing, don’t worry about it.

My only advice? Try not to head hop. Sure, some popular best-selling authors are notorious for doing same. Let them. You probably haven’t reached that stage in your writing career.

Remember, your poor editor is already pulling out her hair. No point in her going bald. And you don’t want your readers to throw your book across the room, especially not an e-reader. (Trust me, I know this from personal experience. That LCD isn’t shatter proof. Well, mine wasn’t.)

Until then, happy writing!

The Wrong Point of View

The right point of view is essential to any novel, but it's easy to get confused. Do you go with first person - ie, the narrator tells the story? It means the reader can get inside the head of the MC, but the writer is limited to the MC's experiences. Third person POV gives you the option of telling the story from the POV of more than one character.

However, a lot of writers seem to commit the cardinal sin of "head hopping" when operating in third-person POV, and this is not limited to inexperienced writers. I've picked up many published novels - released by otherwise reputable publishers - that also commit this sin. As well as making me throw the book across the room, I wonder about the editors that this publishing house has employed when this happens.

Let's just clarify what I mean by "Head-hopping", just so we all know what we're talking about. Take the following paragraph:

"Mary sensed John's gaze on her as she entered the room, and it made her uncomfortable. John wondered if Mary had forgiven him yet for last night."

The first sentence establishes we're in Mary's POV. But in the second sentence we jump to John's POV - how does Mary know what John is thinking?

This is just a bad example from the top of my head, but I have actually read published novels that are almost as bad as this. There's nothing wrong with multiple POV characters, but there should be a clear break before switching from one character POV to another.

I think part of the problem with POV shifts is a lack of understanding of how they work. Being in third person POV does not mean that you can be in every character's head simultaneously, but I think some writers - and editors - suffer from this basic misapprehension.

I lay the blame for this partly on the fact that the education system does not teach people how to write correctly. I remember being taught POV in my English lessons at high school. What I was taught was: first person means the narrator is telling the story directly, and so the pronoun "I" is used. Third person is when the narrator is outside the story, looking in, and the pronoun "he" or "she" is used. Second person is when the story is told by someone who is not the main character, such as Watson in the Sherlock Holmes stories.

I remember this lesson very clearly, and I knew at the time it was wrong. The Sherlock Holmes stories are written from a first person POV - Watson's. Second person is when the story is told from the point of view of someone directing the main character, and the pronoun "you" is used. It's pretty unusual to find a novel told in second person, but it was used for all the "choose your own adventure" books I used to love reading as a kid.

"Head-hopping" is an easy mistake to make - there were a couple of examples of it in early drafts of SUFFER THE CHILDREN. Fortunately for me, my editor picked up the ones that had slipped through my own editing process and berated me for it.

But other publishers do not seem to have such diligent editors, and I get tired of reading published novels that would not pass one of my writing group's critique sessions.

It emphasises my belief that one does not learn how to write at any educational centre. The only way to learn how to write is through the experience of writing.

Sadly, some editors need to go through the same process. Perhaps there should be an 'editor school'. POV should be one of the first lessons.

POV Issues

During the editing process for Bring On The Night I had to clean up a lot of point of view problems. Basically I was head-hopping like a meth-addled bunny rabbit. At least, that's what I felt like during edits. It led to a lot of thoughts of "why did they even offer a contract for this story, it's so terrible" and "OMG I have no idea what I'm doing!" As I worked through the edits I tried to figure out what I was doing wrong - I don't mean the end result of head-hopping, I mean what mistakes in my writing process was leading to that - and what could I do to change.

My biggest problem was a general ignorance of point of view. Beyond the basic definitions of first, second, and third, I had no idea what POV was really all about. There's a lot more going on than just your choice of pronouns. I learned from the edits but I also did some internet searching. One of the most useful links I came across was a series of posts on deep POV by Jordan McCollum. You can read the series on her blog or download the free PDF. The most important takeaway from this or any other article on deep POV is this: you have to restrict yourself to a single character in each scene. And you have to realize that character's not walking around with a mirror in front of them all day.

Think of it this way: instead of method acting, you must become a method writer, and put yourself inside a character's head in order to write deep point of view. In Bring On The Night the main character is Jessie, a vampire. This week I wrote a fifteen hundred word short about one of her earliest days as a vampire and how she got the name Jessamine. It's one scene basically, in third person all from her point of view. In writing it I put myself in her head, discovering her thoughts and feelings. What she was experiencing via her senses - her hunger for and reaction to blood was especially important, being a new vampire.

What I can't do is write as if there's a mirror in front of her all the time. She doesn't know what she looks like during all this. It's also very important to stay away from other character's thoughts and perceptions. Actions and dialogue, of course, but what they're thinking and feeling? No. Save that for a scene change, then you can switch your point of view to another character.

So have I been successful in improving my deep POV writing? Well, I think so, but I won't know for sure until I submit another story in third person deep POV. My release slated for next year, Mojo Queen, is in first person. I don't want to write everything in first person, though, and I hated that I had such a problem with head-hopping. I'll keep practicing and hopefully the next time I submit a story in third person there won't be any editing comments about head-hopping. That meth-addled bunny will have been to rehab and had a full recovery.