Thursday, June 2, 2011

When you lose your groove

I’m not going to lie about it. I lose my groove during winter. Granted there’s a part of me that absolutely loves the cold season. Who doesn’t like a nice, toasty warm bed, preferably with a hot man in it to lie in on the weekends? Especially with rain drumming down on a tin roof.

Those are dreams. I rarely if ever get to lie in and I’m seriously fiending after some sunshine. Perhaps what gets me down the most is leaving and arriving home in the dark.

But I slow down, am prone to depression. Problems seem insurmountable. Yeah, yeah, I can already hear some choice comments centred around Goths supposedly loving the dark, but I *do* need to feel the sun on my face a little. The only consolation I have at the moment is the beautiful sunrises I see while I wait for the train at Kalk Bay Station. I’m sure there are few as lovely as this station, which is next to a harbour in False Bay. I’ve watched dolphins, Cape fur seals and southern right whales cavorting. Massive flocks of cormorants heading south to feed in great V-shaped clouds, so close I can hear their wings slice through the air. That peculiar gulping cry of the kelp gull sends shivers down my spine as I breathe in salt-sweet air.

But I’ve lost my groove. I admit it freely. I just don’t have the energy to go beyond the call of duty like I normally do. My friends know what I’m talking about. I don’t feel like I’m getting anything done; just don’t have the energy to push myself harder.

It’s an effort to create, an effort to dash through those pages of edits. God forbid actually *write* new words.

You know what? I’m not going to beat myself up about this. I’ll work when and where I can. I’ll look after my health. I’ll eat well. Get enough rest. There are days when simple pleasures, like meeting friends for tea during lunch are a better option than trying to force the words.

I’m letting my muse recharge. I’m hibernating. I’m gestating ideas. Because by the time we’ve passed Longest Night and the days start warming and growing longer, I know I’ll have rekindled that magic that gives me a reason to keep writing.

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4 comments:

Sonya Clark said...

Sometimes hibernate is the best thing to do. Right now I'm sick, stressed out, and exhausted and I don't care if I don't write for a week. I'm happy to read and listen to music and let the muse go on vacation. Might as well be zen about it, it's not like we can force the words to come. ;)

PamelaTurner said...

Same here. At least I'm not sick and I don't have to get up at 4:30 AM after today (last day of school). I still have ideas and stories to work on. But right now I'm dealing with a deceitful person who tells half-truths to impress people. (I won't go into gory details.) I still fret about getting another contract from a publisher. (All of you already have multiple books. I'm still on one and nervous about one pending.) :-) As for this so-called "friend," let's just say I'm a firm believer in karma.

Take care!

Nerine Dorman said...

Well, I'm just taking things one deadline at a time. Hang in there guys... I'll share this secret: about two years ago I was an author who just had one title out standing in awe of multipubbed authors.

Carrie said...

Been here many times. Winter is a natural slowing of the blood and spirit. Focus on keeping warm and well-fed and the words'll return with the sun.